


After the nightmare, release

by NoMoreBeer4U



Series: After the nightmare series [3]
Category: Stargate SG-1
Genre: Angry Daniel, Angst, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Episode: s02e09 Secrets, Friendship, Language, M/M, Pre-Slash
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-04-26
Updated: 2020-04-26
Packaged: 2021-03-02 02:40:15
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,335
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23857729
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/NoMoreBeer4U/pseuds/NoMoreBeer4U
Summary: After coming back from Abydos, Daniel needs help to deal with his anger.
Relationships: Daniel Jackson & Jack O'Neill
Series: After the nightmare series [3]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1704055
Kudos: 24





	After the nightmare, release

**Author's Note:**

> Warnings: Rated M for language.  
> Disclaimer: I don’t own them, I just play with them. Non-Commercial purposes intended.

_***_

_From his hiding place, Daniel watched how Apophis caressed Amaunet face and his blood boiled. Next, his blood froze when she turned her head and stared at him directly. He saw her gasp softly. No, not Amaunet. Sha’re. The goa’uld would have raised the alarm. Somehow Amaunet hadn’t regained control completely. Apophis took her hand._

_“Come home with me, my queen.”_

_They walked quietly towards the Stargate, Sha’re’s head still turned towards Daniel. They stepped into the shimmering event horizon and the gate disengaged._

_Sam said something about a ship and Jack gave an order to her. The archaeologist wasn’t really paying attention. He was too shocked due to the recent events. He heard the echo of the DHD behind him. Jack looked at him with concern._

_“You alright?”_

_Alright? Was he alright? Sha’re had just given birth to the son of his worst enemy and she had slipped again from his hands. So close, he had been so close to rescuing her. And he had failed. He had failed her again. Definitely, he wasn’t alright._

_“No. No, I’m not.” He stared at Jack with haunted eyes. “But I will be.”_

***

Daniel dozed on the passenger’s seat. His cheek was still throbbing where Heru’ur had backhanded him. He just wanted to turn his mind off for a while. He was feeling numb and empty, as if a huge hole had installed where previously had been organs, veins and fluids. God, Sha're! The moment he had stepped into Kasuf's tent and had seen her swollen belly, a part of him had died. His imagination had invaded his mind with endless images of Apophis possessing her, raping her body night after night. His brain had burned while his heart had shattered into millions of pieces. The guilt that he had started to ease lately, had come back full force. And at the end, after he had delivered Sha're's baby and she had escaped with Apophis, all that was left inside him was that suffocating sensation of vacuum.

He didn’t even remember stepping through the Stargate to go back to Earth. It was like his mind had been blocked, unable to think straight. One minute he had been talking to Jack and the next one Janet’s penlight had been piercing his eye. She had taken his blood pressure and temperature (he didn’t remember the readings) and she had offered him a mild sedative, which he had refused. He was feeling so listless that if Janet would have given him something, surely he'd have slipped into a coma by now. So he had insisted over and over again that he was ok, just tired. Janet agreed that he needed to rest, so by her request, Hammond had scheduled the debriefing for the next day. Reluctantly, the doctor had let him go off the base with two conditions: Not to drive and let someone check on him for the next twelve hours.

He had looked for Jack but had found out that he had left the base some minutes ago. Even in his clouded state, he had realized that something was wrong with his friend. He had gone to meet Sam, but she hadn’t been clear at all. Now he knew something had happened in Washington, but he didn’t have any details.

Suddenly, a voice snapped him out of his drowsiness.

“We’ve arrived, sir.”

“What?” He lifted his head lethargically.

“We are at Colonel O'Neill’s house, sir.”

Daniel looked past the young airman and he spotted Jack's driveway.

“Oh, oh, thank you, mmmm…” what was his name? He had seen it in his tag. Oh, yes, Jefferson, airman Jefferson. “Thank you, Jefferson.”

“You’re welcome, sir.”

Daniel got off the car and waved goodbye. The airman saluted him and left. The archaeologist walked towards Jack’s porch and reached the door. He knocked several times and not getting any response he tried the doorknob. It yielded easily. He leaned forward and peeped in.

“Jack? Jack, you there?” He came into the house. Maybe his friend didn't hear it after all. His voice was still dull after the mission and he didn't seem able to raise it higher.

He closed the door behind him and started to search for his friend, calling his name. He didn't want to startle him. It was always a bad idea to startle a well trained special-ops officer. There was no trace of Jack in the living room and no sounds were coming from the bedroom or the bathroom either. He went to the kitchen and spotted an empty glass in the sink. He brought it closer to his nose and smelled it. Whiskey. It wasn’t a good choice is his current lethargic state.

Then he heard the sound. It was dull and had a constant rhythm.

Thump.

Thump.

Thump.

Frowning, he looked for the source of the sound. He realized it came from the garage.

Thump.

Thump.

Thump.

He came into the garage and what he saw stopped him on his tracks. Jack was wearing boxing gloves and was beating the crap out of a punching bag.

THUMP.

THUMP.

THUMP.

Daniel wasn't sure the older man had heard him come in.

“Jack?”

“Not now, Daniel.” His friend replied drily.

The colonel was wearing sweatpants and an old tank top. His face was flushed, his teeth clenched, and a deep crease was drawn in his brow. Thick drops of sweat were rolling down his face, neck and arms. All his body was irradiating anger.

THUMP!

THUMP!

THUMP!

“Jack, are you ok?”

“I said not now. For a guy with a so high IQ, it’s amazing how sometimes you can't understand the simplest orders.”

THUMP!!

Daniel flinched and stared at his friend puzzled. The older man’s attitude rendered him speechless. He had thought he couldn’t be hurt further after the last mission. Obviously, he had been wrong. Suddenly he felt even more adrift, if possible. His heart was weeping for Share. Having seen her pregnant by that… beast. God… I had been so damned hard… He had thought he could count on Jack but after his harsh welcome, he wasn't so sure anymore.

“I… I think I'll just…” he stammered, his voice barely a whisper. "I'll just go home, I shouldn't have come here. Obviously you… you have your own problems to deal with.”

“Daniel, just… wait for me inside, will ya?

THUMP!

“I just need to be alone for a while.”

THUMP!

“There is whiskey in the cabinet. Get yourself a shot.”

THUMP, THUMP!

Daniel was confused but he didn't have the will nor the energy to start an argument, so he nodded slightly and went back inside. He sat on the couch, his hands resting boneless on his thighs. He kept staring at an inexistent stain on the wall. He didn't look for the liquor. He didn’t need to add more numbness to his brain.

He didn’t know how much time had passed when Jack came in and stood in front of him.

“Hey.”

“Hey.”

“ I…mmmm… I'm sorry about before. I hope I didn’t say anything inconvenient.”

Daniel kept studying the wall. “You don't remember?

Jack shrugged. "No, not really, I was quite focused on the task in hand."

"Well, actually you were quite harsh.” Daniel replied sluggishly.

“I'm sorry. The last couple of days weren’t so good.” Jack sighed.

“It's ok.” The archaeologist's gaze traveled to his hands, which were still laying palms upon his lap.

The older man came closer and brushed his knee against Daniel’s. “No, no, you deserved better, I'm sorry.”

Daniel lifted his head and concerned sapphire eyes met chocolate ones.

“It's about Washington, isn’t it? What happened there?”

Jack sighed loudly and he plopped himself down on the couch, next to his friend. He leaned backward, head turned towards the closest window, avoiding Daniel’s gaze. He looked defeated.

“There was a journalist who started asking too many questions. He was killed and I…”

“Oh my God! How?!”

Jack turned his head and met Daniel’s horrified look.

He was hit by a car. Hammond says it was an accident. I bet for some branch of the government. I guess we'll never know. The thing is, I kinda feel guilty. Go figure, huh?

"Jack, whether it was an accident or some branch of the government, it wasn't your fault, how could it be?"

“Yeah, that’s what the general keeps telling me. It doesn't feel that way right now, but the punching bag helped me to feel better.” He looked at his friend and noticed the anguish on his face. He had been so self-centered about the events in Washington that he hadn't even realized that the younger man was in distress. 

“Ah, hell, screw it, I should be asking you about… Sha're.”

Daniel's face contorted in pain and his fists closed tight, although in his numbness he couldn't feel the nails digging into his palms.

The concern in Jack's face increased tenfold.

“Daniel, what happened on Abydos? How come Sha're was there?”

The younger man squeezed his eyes shut and shook his head repeatedly. Jack took one of his hands and started to draw circles on the back with his thumb.

“Daniel, look at me. Look at me, please.”

The archaeologist's eyes remained tightly shut, his face crumpling further. The colonel grabbed his chin with his free hand and lifted his head. In his lethargic state, Daniel didn't resist. Tears trespassed his eyelids and two of them fell rolling down from the corner of his eyes. Jack brushed them with his thumb.

“Hey, hey, it's ok, it's ok…”

Daniel looked at his friend. His blue eyes showed a mixture of feelings: sorrow, anguish, confusion and also anger.

“No Jack, it's not ok, it's not ok! Actually, it can't be more not ok…" His voice trailed off with emotion.

“Daniel?” Jack stared at his friend puzzled. Of course, seeing Sha’re must have caused his friend big distress, but he perceived there was something more there. And then he remembered something Apophis had said when he had met his queen.

“Is it about the child Apophis mentioned? What was that about?”

Daniel flinched and Jack knew he had guessed well.

“God, Jack, Teal'c and I arrived at Abydos and Kasuf brought us to his tent…and… and… god…”

Jack squeezed his friend hand, encouraging him to continue. Daniel took a deep breath and went on.

“She was pregnant, Jack, very, very pregnant… that… beast!”His lower lip was quivering.

Jack went from concerned to open-mouthed stunned, but he didn't say anything yet. He pressed Daniel’s hand harder and waited for him to continue.

“He raped her, he raped her, god knows how many times. I never really thought about it, how stupid is it? I mean… of course, Amunet is Apophis queen but I never… I didn't want to think about it, I tried to deny it, but when I saw her… god, when I saw her!"

Daniel's teeth clenched tightly and more tears fell silently down his cheeks. As soon as the archaeologist connected with his anger, the previous emptiness in his insides was slowly being replaced by something heavy and dark.

“I was so angry, Jack, so angry… his voice trembled… I…I felt betrayed! He laughed out loud hysterically. “Betrayed! Can you believe that? God, after what you and I did after we destroyed Apophis' ship months ago! I can be such a jerk!"

“Daniel, do you regret that?”

The archaeologist looked at the older man and saw the doubt and hurt in his eyes.

“What? No, no.” He frowned. He had never regretted that night when he had found comfort in Jack’s arms, and he was worried that his friend would think otherwise. “No, Jack. I told you then. I needed that, and I think you needed it to. I'm ok with that, I promise. Besides, it was consensual. But that beast… his face hardened again. You know how I feel about her, and what he did to her, what he's still doing to her…it hurted… hurts so much… and I couldn't bear it. I ran outside. I left her alone with Kasuf. For a while, all I could feel was the betrayal and the anger. I didn't even try to comfort her. Luckily Teal'c put me back into my place. He is a damn good friend, you know?”

“That he is.” Jack agreed. He closed his eyes for a couple of seconds, trying to digest all that Daniel had told him. No wonder he had been in such a shocking state when they met on Abydos.

Again, Daniel took a deep breath before going on with his story.

“To cut the story short, the arrival of Heru'ur ship induced Sha’re’s labor. I delivered the baby and gave it Kasuf to protect him. We made believe Amaunet that Heru'ur had taken him. By the way… him. He is a boy. And you know the rest.”

Warm chocolate eyes looked at him with empathy.

“And now?”

“Now I feel still so angry. No, no for me, but for what he did to her... that… animal! He spat out the words, his red-rimmed eyes gleaming fiercely.

“I never felt such hatred for anyone in my whole life. It’s a so dark feeling that scares me. I close my eyes and imagine I’m squeezing his neck with my bare hands until no more air fills his lungs.” He closed his eyes tight again and shooked his head, trying to erase the mental images, his breath coming in gasps.

“For starters, Daniel, he isn't anyone. He is a fucking alien snake inhabiting someone’s body. And it’s ok to feel the anger. And as the passionate man you are, you feel your emotions deeply, anger included. And in that case, I can tell it’s well-aimed.”

“I hate that feeling, I hate it.” Daniel ducked his head, tears were still silently streaming down his face.

“Daniel, you need to deal with this. If you try to shut it down it will consume you eventually. You need to release some pressure the sooner the better.”

The archaeologist shook his head again and his face crumpled in pain. He whimpered, leaned forward, wrapped his arms tightly around his stomach and started to rock back and forward.

“I don’t know how to do this, Jack, and I was feeling this emptiness inside before but now I feel… I feel that weight in my gut… like… like a big, dark heavy ball. It’s like all that anger is stuck there but then, it spreads up towards my chest… and… and… it squeezes my heart so hard… so hard… I can’t breathe and…and all I can feel is the pain and the anger…” His voice trailed off until it became a whisper.

Jack rubbed his hand along the younger man’s back to comfort him. Fortunately for Daniel, anger wasn’t unknown to the colonel. He had been dealing with this feeling often during his career. It was time to teach some new resources to his friend. Suddenly, he stood up and offered a hand to the younger man.

“Come.”

Daniel raised his head, confused, arms still holding his torso tightly.

“Come with me, Daniel.” The older man repeated in a tender tone.

“Jack?” a deep crease appeared between the archaeologist’s eyebrows.

“Come, Danny. Trust me.”

He could do that. Jack wasn’t going to do anything to hurt him further. He slowly unwrapped his arms from his torso and brushed the heel of his hands across his damp cheeks, sweeping out the tears. He took a shaking breath and kept staring at the older man’s hand for a few moments. He rubbed his stomach for a moment and then he reached out his hand. Jack took it and helped him to stand up. He swang and the older man held him firmly by the shoulders.

“Are you dizzy? Can you walk?”

Daniel nodded slightly. “No, yes, I’m fine.”

Jack led him to the garage and positioned him in front of the punching bag. The archeologist looked at his friend, puzzled. The colonel took a gauze roll from a shelf and started to wrap the younger man's hands. Daniel felt too wasted to fight him.

“Jack, what are you doing?”

“Shhhhhh, trust me, Daniel.”

When he finished wrapping his hands, he took the boxing gloves and put them on the archaeologist’s hands, who was looking more uncomfortable every second.

“Jack… I don't think this is such a good idea.”

The older man stopped for a moment and cupped Daniel’s face with his hand. He brushed his thumb across the damp cheek.

“You trust me, Danny?”

“You know I do, Jack, always.”

Jack smiled sympathetically and finished fixing the gloves. Then he turned towards the punching bag and made the introduction.

“Dr. Jackson, meet Apophis, system lord, fucking snake and supreme intergalactic son of a bitch.” He waved a hand towards the bag as if saluting.

Daniel got the hint. He stared at the bag for a while, as if trying to figure out its purpose. Then, he narrowed his eyes and punched it mildly with his right hand.

“Harder.” Jack ordered.

He inhaled and let the air out, blowing loudly. He clenched his teeth and punched the bag harder once.

“Again.”

He narrowed his eyes further and hit the bag again. Once, twice, thrice, right, left, right.

“Bastard!”

He stopped for a few seconds, breathing deeply. His whole face tensed, his jaw clenched harder and then started to punch with both hands fiercely.

“You bastard! Son of a bitch!”

THUMP, THUMP, THUMP!

God, he was furious. He felt the ball of rage in his gut expand beyond his torso and invading his whole body. His throat, his head. Even his limbs were boiling in anger. He increased the strength of the blows tenfold.

THUMP, THUMP, THUMP!!

“YOU DIDN’T HAVE ANY RIGHT, YOU BASTARD! I HATE YOU! I'M GOING TO KILL YOU, FUCKING SNAKE SON OF A BITCH!”

THUMP, THUMP, THUMP!!!

“I'LL KILL YOU FOR WHAT YOU DID TO HER! FUCKING BASTARD! DON'T EVER DARE TO TOUCH HER AGAIN!”

THUMP, THUMP, THUMP!!!

“DON’T TOUCH HER, LEAVE HER ALONE! LEAVE HER ALONE, YOU BASTAAAAARD!!!”

THUMP, THUMP, THUMP, THUMP, THUMP, THUMP!!!

“I HATE YOU, I HATE YOU, AAAAAAAAAAAAGHHHHHH!!!

He went on hitting the punching bag hard until tears began to stream down his cheeks and his voice choked. His shoulders started to shake and his blows became irregular and weaker. His voice cracked.

“Leave her alone, leave her alone, you have no right…”

His legs started to tremble, his movements became uncoordinated and weaker, his voice trailed off in sorrow.

“You had no right…”

He was panting hard. He ran out of strength and crumpled towards the floor. Jack rushed towards him and hold him before he fell flat on his face. He controlled their fall to the ground and as they hit the floor, Jack wrapped his arms around him, holding him tightly, rocking him back and forward. Daniel let out a soul-wrenching howl and started to sob loudly, shaking hard, face buried in the hollow of Jack’s neck. His hands grabbed the older man’s shoulders in a desperate grip.

They stayed like that for several minutes, Jack holding Daniel’s head and rubbing his back in rhythmical circles. Eventually, the younger man stopped trembling and his sobs decreased until they were substituted by slow, deep breaths. Somehow the air could find his way to his lungs again. He mentally scanned his body and realized the dark, heavy ball in his gut had lost weight and the emptiness had been substituted by a tiny shining light of hope. He slowly disengaged the hug and looked at Jack with bright, puffy red-rimmed eyes.

“Thank you.” He whispered.

“Anytime.” The older man smiled fondly. He promised himself he’d be there any time his friend needed him to smooth the rough path he was walking by.

Daniel mirrored his smile. Yes, with friends like Jack at his side, he was going to be alright.

**The end, for now**


End file.
